7 things I learned about Courage in 2019
In 2019 I did the thing I’d always planned to do but never had ‘time’ for. Which turned out to be code for perfectionism and fear of failure. I launched my blog - Closet Perfectionist.
I talk about what the initial launch felt like, in my post ‘Why it’s taken me three years to write this post (and how fear of failure will trick you)’. It was a place to share my experiences and advice for dealing with unhealthy self expectations, fear of failing to meet the expectations you think others have of you, and the true experience of failure as a feeling, rather than a thing that happens to us.
But as I settled into my new found comfort of having it out there, I found myself ‘growing out’ of Closet Perfectionist. My message and experiences were still very much the same, but I no longer liked the quiet, timidness in which I had crept out and decided to sheepishly share my thoughts with the world. It was absolutely the first step I needed to take at the time, but it no longer served what I was trying to achieve.
And so the last few months have been a process of evolution to becoming ‘Courageously You’. Hello, here I am 👋🏻 The process of starting my blog, along with much of the rest of 2019, taught me a lot about Courage. Here’s the digest…
7 thing I learned about Courage in 2019
Courage breeds courage.
Every small action you take to conquer a fear and get out of your comfort zone builds you up to the next, and bigger act of courage. Farah Storr describes this well in her book ‘The Discomfort Zone’ where she talks about BMD - Brief Moments of Discomfort. These are small and uncomfortable moments that can be overcome and make you realise that nothing is insurmountable.
2. Courage is relative.
What’s courageous for you is easy for someone else and vice versa. You won’t find and exercise your courage if you’re using someone else’s measure as your own. Equally, just because someone else seems chill and like they’ve got it all together, doesn’t mean that isn’t a moment of courage for them - you have no idea what was really going on in their head, or what it took to get them there.
3. Just because it felt courageous ten years ago, doesn’t mean it’s courageous now.
I used to think I was continually putting myself out of my comfort zone because I would talk in meetings or in front of large groups. But I was comparing myself to the quietly timid Rachel of school, who wouldn’t speak outside of her friends. Not the Rachel who’d since been to uni, and worked as a teacher. Keep in check with yourself about what courage and discomfort is to you and stop telling yourself it’s courage if you’ve outgrown it. Keep moving.
4. The things that require courage are surprising.
Tell me to jump out of a plane and I’ll do it, tell me to share my first blog post with people I work with, and I’ll crawl into a ball of despair. It’s in this space of vulnerability where we find the true things that require us to be courageous. Brene Brown is THE best authority on the topic of shame, courage and vulnerability, so give her a cheeky Google to watch her TED talk or read or books and articles.
5. There is such a thing as a courage hangover
When I first launched my blog I woke up the next day feeling like I’d conquered the world. I felt like I could do any and all of the things! I guess this links to courage breeding courage. Don’t underestimate how good it feels to get out of your comfort zone.
6. There is also such a thing as a shame hangover
Equally, the first time I plucked up the courage to post something with my actual face on, I woke up the next day feeling like I had stolen from an old lady. Full of shame and regret and self doubt. These are the annoying moments that try to derail us and tell us we have made the wrong choice. They will happen so remember that and just ride them out. Remind yourself of why you’re doing what you’re doing and the success you’ve achieved so far.
7. It’s easier to exercise courage if you surround yourself by things and people that make you feel courageous.
Instagram, facebook, twitter; it can feel so overwhelming to have constant access to information. The good news is, if you’re in tune with which content inspires and motivates you and make sure you surround yourself with that, you can reap the benefits and let it bring out the best in you. There are people out there experiencing the same things as you, working on the same goals as you and working through struggle and success like you. Find them, connect with them, build your collective courage.
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