How to manage relationship doubt during lockdown
“Is he the right person for me?”
“Am I the right person for him?”
“Will we survive lockdown?” ‘What will happen to us after lockdown?”
“We don’t communicate enough. Can we make it work?”
If you’re feeling doubtful about your relationship right now, you aren’t alone.
A survey by relationship support and counselling charity Relate tells us that 21% of 25-34 year olds currently in lockdown, are doubting their relationship. People are feeling the pressure and finding their partners more irritating than ever.
If this is you, take a moment to sit with the fact that you are not alone (even if it often feels that way!)
Now, contrary to most blogs that promise to tell you the 5 signs you should end your relationship, or the 7 doubts that suggest you run for the hills, I’m not here to tell you some quick fixes about what you should or shouldn’t do about your relationship or how you should think and feel.
But I do have some suggestions on how you can get closer to your own thinking and feelings about your relationship, and how to make sense of your doubt at this challenging time!
Managing relationship doubt during lockdown
Be kind to yourself.
In a pressurised situation like this, we can feel rushed to act, decide, or ‘fix’ whatever we think is ‘broken’, and we can give ourselves a really hard time for not having it all figured out.
Remember that the world has been thrown upside down. What was ‘normal’ for you and your relationship before, has now changed. You may be confronting new things you haven’t before, either individually or together.
Be kind and patient with yourself.
Get into your head (and heart).
Allow yourself space to explore your thoughts and feelings, free from the ‘noise’ of others opinions and expectations.
Pressured situations like this can lead us to be reactive. Like when we lose our sh*t because our partner, once again, hasn’t loaded the dishwasher, or because they haven’t replied to our message yet and ‘what the heck else could they possibly be doing!?’
Take a moment to pause and reflect. What is that reaction telling you about what’s on your mind and what you’re feeling?
By exploring how you’re experiencing doubt, both in what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling, you can start to be more of an objective observer in your own situation - this can be a much needed sense of perspective in an intense situation like lockdown.
Get OUT of your head.
Just as important as understanding what’s on your mind, also give yourself space to get out of your own head. Do something that brings you joy. Something just because you feel like it. Work out what that is for you. It could be reading, dancing around your house, exercise, meditation, walking through a park, getting creative, chatting to a friend. Whatever it is, let yourself have the space to NOT think, analyse and understand everything that’s going on for you right now. It’s in this space we find rest and recharge, and sometimes insightful moments of clarity.
Talk to someone.
Even if we know others are struggling with the same doubt, it can still feel lonely. No-one will be in the exact same situation as us and understand everything in our heads. If it’s really getting on top of you, speak to someone. A coach can provide a safe space for you to talk openly and free from expectation and guide you to develop the inner tools you need, to understand your doubt over the shorter and longer term. If this situation is triggering pain from your past that you think needs healing and you’re struggling to feel any way to move forwards, a counsellor or therapist may be better suited to create that safe space for you.
Whichever way doubt is showing up for you right now, you have the inner resources to cut through the noise, understand yourself better and move from confusion to clarity. If you want some help making sense of it all, I’ve created something with you in mind…
Free Self-Coaching Course
Hi, I’m Rachel!
I coach women in relationship doubt to find clarity, courage and trust in themselves.
I’ve created a free 5 day self-coaching course to help you understand your doubt better.
You’ll receive a daily video and self-coaching exercise.