Self Reflection Using Doodling: Two Years of Self Employment as a Waterslide
Let’s face it, the last couple of years have been a shit storm of epic proportions. We’ve gone through a significant period of personal and global change. And it’s time to pause and reflect.
One of my favourite ways to reflect is through drawing. Nothing too sophisticated, just little doodles that represent how I feel about what was happening at the time.
As I’m about to start a new chapter in my career, I decided to draw out my experience of being self employed over the last two years… what a ride it has been!
This one’s for you if you want to hear a truthful account of trying to make self-employment work, or if you’re a fellow human being looking for inspiration on how to make sense of some of life’s poignant moments, in a fun and insightful way.
I’ll be sharing my waterslide doodle of the last two years, a written tale to explain the experience and some key learnings I collected whilst trying to stay afloat.
What we’ll cover:
How to approach doodling a life reflection
Why drawing is a great reflection tool
My process of doing it so you have an idea of how to start (even if you’re self conscious about your drawing skills. I mean come one? Have you seen mine? 😉)
My reflections on two years being self employed, drawn as a waterslide
Jumping in, riding high and losing my float
The ascent of rest and bobbing along
Swimming against the current and choosing to get off
Here’s a little overview - don’t worry the images get clearer as I get into specifics below 😅
How To Doodle Your Self Reflections
Self reflection provides a great opportunity for us to pause, celebrate ourselves, understand what we’ve learned and how we’ve changed, and inform our future direction.
So as I’m about to start a new chapter in my career, going back into employment and making The Play Philosophy my passion project, it felt fitting to take a moment to reflect on what I’ve learned the last two years.
I chose to Doodle my reflections for a few reasons:
It’s fun!
We know that self reflection is good for us, but in the busy day-to-day it can be hard to sit down and ask ourselves ‘what have I learned?’. By making it fun, we’re more likely to do it.
It encourages flow.
With so many other distractions, self reflection can easily become a superficial tick box exercise. Drawing and expressing ourselves visually is more likely to promote a state of flow, where we reflect in a state of deep thinking that has our full attention.
It helps us to see new possibilities for the future.
Me saying that I know I need my sparkly rubber ring and some flippers on to propel myself to the peak of the waterslide, may mean nothing to you. But it means something very specific to me, and has helped me to conceptualise what I have learned about myself in an entirely new way.
Let’s get to the fun doodley part.
Approaching Self Reflection Drawings
Here’s the rough version that I started with to aid my reflections. I’m sharing this so you can see that the more complete version I’ll share later, came after some initial scrawling of thoughts.
Leave perfectionism at the door when you sit down to doodle your reflections. It’s not about being aesthetically pleasing - it’s about helping you process and make sense of events passed.
There aren’t any rules for you to do this. In fact, giving you rules to follow defeats the whole purpose of being able to express yourself freely and playfully. So do whatever you like!
Here’s how my process went:
I pencil drew a timeline of the last few years and bullet pointed key things that happened to jog my memory and give me a feel for the year.
I got a sense for three key themes (and chunks of time) within those two years.
I drew a wiggly line from one end to the next that represented how I was feeling at points throughout the year. I didn’t base this on achievements. There are some peaks related to achievements but there are other moments (such as the end of 2020) when I was doing pretty well but feeling like shit after… well, 2020.
I looked at the line and thought “Hey! That looks kinda like a mountain, maybe there’s a ski analogy here.” But given I’ve never been skiing, I couldn’t connect the metaphor so discarded that one.
Then I thought “Hey! That blue line looks like water! Wouldn’t it be fun if I was riding it in a rubber ring.” Then the rest of the metaphor followed from there.
Nothing sophisticated or overtly artsy here. Whatever feels right and helps you make sense of the timeline you’re reflecting on.
So let’s get into it. How have my last couple of years been like a waterslide?
A Doodle Reflection on Two Years of Self Employment
In this section I’m gonna share my reflections on 2020 and 2021: getting made redundant, making courageous decisions, becoming self-employed, growing a coaching business, mental health, money fears, staying true to yourself, and making aligned decisions.
I share this in hope it helps you feel reassured about the ups and downs of whatever life or career path you’re on.
And to be totally honest, also for my own catharsis because writing about what you’ve drawn helps you to build the story around it. It’s much easier to reflect and learn from stories, than bullet pointed lists.
Let’s dive in! (Too many water puns? 😏)
April - Dec 2020: Jumping In, Riding High & Losing My Float
Since 2016 my ultimate career goal had been to have my own coaching business one day. By 2019 I had only just plucked up the courage to publicly release a blog. I was tiptoeing towards this goal apprehensively and waiting for the right time.
“There I was at the edge of the waterslide waiting for the green light, when I was nudged from behind.”
Planning for my coaching business felt like being stood at the top of a waterslide. I was gathering all the inflatables I needed to make it a smooth ride down but waiting for the red light to turn green before I could launch myself off confidently.
In April 2020 shortly after the Pandemic began, I was made redundant. There I was standing at the edge of the waterslide, the red light yet to turn green, when I was suddenly pushed from behind. It was a nudge, and I could’ve retreated back to safety but it seemed like too good an opportunity to miss.
It was a shock to my system at first, but I grabbed the rubber ring, steadied myself quickly and began the ascent to courageously make that dream a reality.
The next four months were a consistent (but relatively happy) slog. Oaring myself along in my rubber ring to a peak of triumph when I started getting my first clients and hitting my hundred coaching hours for my certification. Wins I had once dreamt of now becoming a reality! Buzzin’.
But as October hit (and as you’ll see from this doodle) a pretty steep decline occurred. And not one I was all that cognizant of at the time … ahh the power of reflection!
A combination of tiredness, winter, decision fatigue, hormonal imbalance, financial concerns and the ever present clouds overhead of the Global Pandemic(!), I found myself sliding down into the reservoir of despair, with no floatation device in sight. I was demotivated, teary, anxious and tired.
Luckily, the reservoir of despair housed a Life Guard and some additional floatation devices - supportive family and friends, anti-depressants, and two weeks off over Christmas.
Key Learnings For You:
If an opportunity arises to start making a dream of yours a reality, take it. You can always pivot (as you’ll learn from the rest of my waterslide).
The pandemic was, and still is, a big bloomin’ deal. Don’t underestimate the impact that it’s had on our mental health the last few years.
Record and celebrate your wins as you go. As you achieve the things you once dreamed of, you will very quickly forget how significant they were and raise the bar further. Appreciate every single win.
If you’re making bold decisions, going through a period of change, and working hard. IT WILL at some point require you to slow down and rest. Your body may realise it before you do, so be proactive about taking time off.
Jan 2021 - Oct 2021: The ascent of rest and bobbing along
Unlike a lot of people who found the start of 2021 particularly hard as the pandemic roared on and we spent the first three months of the year in Lockdown, I was in excellent spirits.
Christmas break had been an opportunity to recharge in the jacuzzi of rest and I started the year with my sparkly rubber ring and flippers on, ascending through to a peak of creativity and some financial security. I felt unstoppable.
“After 2 weeks rest, I felt unstoppable.”
The next part of the waterslide was very much a bobbing along situation. I was working with others on a freelance basis which boosted me financially and gave me purpose, enjoyment and social connection.
It also allowed me the freedom to experiment and play with Courageously You (the former name of The Play Philosophy). This was a comfortable time of ease, floating along in my rubber ring. After the craziness of 2020, I was grateful for this ease.
On a health related note, it’s also the first year of my adult life that I’ve had no mood related symptoms of Pre-Menstrual Syndrome, due to my decision at the end of 2020 to start luteal phase dosing of anti-depressants. It’s easier to float along on calm waters, when your hormones aren’t cycling around every month to pull you under and splash you around haphazardly.
Key Learnings For You:
Being self-employed makes you value your health on a whole other level. You are your main asset and there’s no sick pay here. You need and want to feel on your A game as much as possible. For me, that meant no longer accepting hormonal mood changes as ‘just a woman thing’, and seeking medical advice.
When you’re figuring out your business, you will spend money on the wrong things, set the wrong goals and focus your energy in the wrong places. That is okay. Necessary even.
If you have some financial security and freedom to explore how best to build your business, don’t waste time following other people’s rules or ‘should-ing’ on yourself. Do what you want.
In fact, do what you want anyway!
If you work best with routine but are struggling to create one when working for yourself try: finding some freelance contracts so you have external accountability, connecting with other self-employed people for joint co-working an accountability. I joined Found and Flourish.
Nov 2021 - April 2022: Swimming against the current and choosing to get off the slide
This period started with a steep surf upwards to internal alignment, only to be grounded again to shallower waters by good ol’ self doubt, fear and money worries.
So what led to this initial exciting ascent? In October I had a photoshoot done with the wonderful Rosie Parsons Photography. We also moved house and I got my own office. Both of these things made me think for the first time about how I represent who I am and what I do visually.
It was playful. Colour, vibrancy, joy. Which was funny because around this time I found a notebook from May 2020 when I’d done a purpose coaching exercise in my training. I had noted down my purpose as ‘Helping people to embrace all of who they are, in all of it’s fluidity… playfully.’
But all of that was incongruent with the Coaching business I had built so far.
“I resisted pivoting to play as my focus ‘cause I felt I had to commit longer to making what I’d built already work.”
I had niched in on helping people in their relationships who were struggling to know what they wanted. It was the right decision at the time.
But throughout 2021, I’d felt compelled to move towards play as my focus numerous times. I resisted because I felt I had to commit a little longer to making what I’d built already work. I decided before Christmas that I was going to transition towards playful approaches to relationships, before eventually moving into play more generally. Great! I’m feeling pretty jolly at this point. I’ve hit the balance between what I really want, and what feels practical.
O oh!
January 2022 came around and all of my freelance work fell off a cliff. I had no income apart from a small amount I was making from clients, and I felt frustrated with myself. I had spent so much time comfortably bobbing along the calm, supported waters of 2021 that I hadn’t focused on establishing sustainable income from my own business.
I reached a fork in the waterslide. Which route would I choose? The exciting, flowing water of inspiration, focusing on writing and creating playful content, with no real view of how I’d make money yet. Or the sensible, strategic option of honing in further on what I’d tried (ish) building so far - a coach for people who are doubting their relationships. The inner conflict was strong…
I decided to double down on the relationship niche. You’ve heard the marketing advice, right? Speak to a specific person, with a specific problem. I had built so much content and expertise and life experience in relationships. Stick with it. It felt like a strategic, wise, business type thing to do.
“Something curious happened. I became completely de-motivated.”
But then something curious happened. I became completely de-motivated and then very stressed. I couldn’t bring myself to work on the very detailed plan and to-do list I had created. I woke up completely unenthused by the day ahead.
But I needed to make some money. So why couldn’t I just pull my socks up and make this damn thing happen?
Within a week I found myself fighting relentlessly against the current. It was frustrating and didn’t make sense to me. I was doing all the ‘right’ things. So why was I being so lazy? Why couldn’t I just do the stuff?
I had a crisis of self belief (or so I thought).
I made one of the best decisions of the last two years. I hired a Coach (the person who had trained me and mentored me and who I knew could help me find some self belief again).
But it wasn’t really a self belief problem. She helped me to realise that I had chosen a path for myself that was so misaligned with the way I actually wanted to work, it was no wonder that I was feeling demotivated. My whole ‘vibe’ of colourful and playful didn’t fit with the sensitive nature of deep relationship challenges, and the marketing methods that fit for this problem and audience, just weren’t me.
My Coach floated alongside me navigating the choppy waters. Helping me choose which floatation device suited me best, choosing which tunnels to go through, and reconnecting with why the heck I was on this waterslide to begin with.
This was when I hit a real peak on this ride.
I hopped off the slide for a moment, I looked at where I’d travelled so far and the landscape of ahead of me.
I have learned an incredible amount and gained an entirely new insight into what I want this to be, what works for me and what doesn’t, what I’m good at and most importantly how I want to feel about it.
In April 2020 I grabbed my rubber ring to harness the opportunity of being pushed down this waterslide, but I’ve now come to realise I can choose to exit the ride whenever I feel is right.
I have loved so much of what I’ve done the last two years, but jumping off the waterslide has allowed me to take control of what I do next. Without forcing what that needs to be according to a set of internal (and external) rules. It feels like I’ve been holding my breath the entire water slide, and now I can finally exhale.
Key Learnings For You (and my biggest learnings of all):
Niching your coaching business is such bullshit. Yes, it’s important to know who you’re audience is, how you can help them, and how to speak to them in your marketing. The issue I take is that there’s a forced narrative that you need to PICK a niche. It’s not about picking a niche, it’s about exploring, being curious, doing what you enjoy and what you feel pulled towards - and finding the niche through that discovery.
If you know who you are, what you value, what’s important and what fills you with glee, the format your career takes is not important. It doesn’t all have to happen right now and it doesn’t all have to happen in any specific order.
Hire a Coach with specific expertise in helping you align to what you want. Coaching around business, marketing, strategy is all important but it doesn’t work if your heart really isn’t in what you’re trying to do. Hire a recommended, skilled, Life Coach who can help you explore deeper rooted beliefs and sort through the never-ending list of shoulds.
You cannot pull an abundance money mindset out of your arse (despite what the gurus say). If you are someone, like me, who cannot be creative, productive and generous in spirit when you are consumed by financial worries, make a practical plan to get financially stable and then focus on your passion project.
Having too much time is far more mentally draining and torturous than not having enough time.
So what’s next for me and The Play Philosophy?
Well that’s a continued discovery process… 😉
(apparently I have a thing about waterslides.)
I help late diagnosed ADHD folk make career and life decisions they trust. ICF Certified Coach, Youtuber & Writer.